Tiger Woods is calling it quits from the world of golf for a time, but that doesn’t mean he won’t branch out into other sports during his sabbatical.    What could the world’s greatest golfer and tree hater have up his sleeve in the weeks to come?  No one is talking, but we at Global Distortion have some ideas.

     Boxing.  Let’s face it, Golf is a sissy sport and Tiger needs to beef up his image.  He also needs to learn how to defend himself from a self righteous super model.  If he continues to cheat, then he needs to know the basics of the pugilist.

     Polo.  It’s basically golf on horseback, so Tiger shouldn’t have too much of a learning curve.  If he’s smart, he’ll take a lesson from NASCAR and deck out his equine beast with his endorsements, if he has any left.  Maybe Trojan condoms or divorce lawyers could help him with sponsorships.

     Water Logging.  Think of the fancy foot work Tiger can show off during the “Minnesota Annual Log Rolling Dance off.”  Seriously, just when you couldn’t think he could get whiter.  Tiger Woods in flannel?  Priceless!    

     No one knows what Tiger Woods will really be doing over the next few weeks, but whatever it is, it sure won’t be beaver hunting or clam diving.  (At least anywhere near his wife and a golf club.)  Eventually, Tiger Woods will be back in the world of Golf, and his infidelity a thing of the past.   Until then, be prepared to hear Tiger's name brought up on every late night show host's lips each night as they find another clever way to talk about his affair and how his supermodel wife opened up a can of righteous "whup ass" on him.