Pirates, they cuss and they drink, plunder ships, are usually missing an eye or a limb, and would cut your throat rather than say a kind word.  Ninjas, they are dark, stealthy assassins who are notorious for flipping out and killing people at the drop of a spoon.  So which one is the baddest of the bad?  Both have fans, and neither side can come to an agreement.   The battle over this issue has raged for centuries, with cutlass clashing against katana and much blood being spilled. Global Distortion, with the help of the venerable Professor Hu Flung Poo,  has decided to end this debate once and for all!  We used rigorous testing methods and came up with three scenarios that should end this feud forever:  Sea, land, and air.

     At Sea

     Regardless of how well trained a ninja is, he's just not equipped to handle a pirate ship.  The fighting crane method is no match for a 32 gun Galleon.  With it's sails furled, a pirate ship could reach 12-15 knots.  A ninja, while swimming, couldn't reach half that.  Therefore, with the fire power, manuverability, and speed, the pirates superiority on the water still reign supreme. 

     On Land

     Let's face it.  A one-eyed man with a peg-leg isn't going to win too many fights with a ninja.  The ninja is also more populous on land than the aquatic natured pirate.  This usually means the ninja has the superior numbers.  The pirate has won on occasion by using the "Argh, matey, look out behind ye!"  ploy.  This statistically works on 1 out of every 4 ninjas.  So, if you ever come across the exam question, "What beats dumb ninjas?"  you can respond with confidence, "Clever pirates."

    In The Air

     Neither ninjas nor pirates are known for their flying skills.  In fact, the only thing close to a pirate flying was Errol Flynn, who played a pirate in "Captain Blood" and went on to star in "Those Magnificent Men and Their Flying Machines."  In most cases the ninjas will dismantle their plane's wings to make huge throwing stars.  The pirates always try and drink the plane's fuel, which most claim is weaker than the typical pirate grog.  Neither encounter proves either side victorious, and this scenario ends in a draw.

   So there you have it!  Ninjas kick pirate booty on land, the pirates reign supreme on the salty blue, and neither can fly long enough to prove who's the best in the air!  That's 1 win for each side, and a tie.  Looks like the debate will have to continue...for now.

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